The rise and fall of Inquiries!!

The thought has struck me often. Only that I was reluctant to put it in words and share with the world. But I guess now is the time.
Knowledge- what is it??? A broad term I guess!! How about knowing oneself?? Isn’t that the highest one in our lives? Who am I ? What am I here for? What is the purpose of life?

Its been easier for me to gather a solution to a math problem ( math- which is actually Greek for me) 😉 than knowing answers to these questions. When I was in 4th standard, I thought I would be happy if I stood first in class in this term. And then the next. Then finally the whole year. Well, I actually did. This scenario continued for years. When would I win the best dancer’s award. The 10th standard was worst… the whole year I was worried more about marks and less about studying. Whenever I tried studying, the fear of the huge syllabus didn’t let me concentrate.

It was in college that I noticed it was a routine for me. Procrastinating stuff, just worrying, thinking about work while I was watching TV and wondering about how I would look in the black dress while I was trying to pay attention in the class. Life was frustrating. Not getting good marks in the class. I was losing self-respect.

It is said that certain events change your life forever. Well, I would say that holds true for me too, but the impact on my mind is gradual. Certain happenings, certain revelations. I always thought it would be nice to have someone guide me through this paradigm as I was not capable of doing so myself. But the contradictory thought that the human mind is capable of coping up with any situation too surfaced.

And then it struck. My mom taught me to walk. She is my first guru in life. My dad taught me math on the abacus. My second guru. My nani guided me through applying butter on bread and teaching me counting in Hindi. Each school teacher who gave me soo much knowledge. The pundit ji in the temple, who told awesome stories from the scriptures, wasn’t he a guru??? I guess the word has been stereotyped too much in the oriental world.
If these small things need a trainer, the answers to biggest questions in life but obviously had to be guided by a guru, moreso a teacher. ( I guess the youngsters don’t like the term too much). The presence did give me so much I had never expected I would get.

The realization did actually open many doors for me. Instead of receiving any thought with skepticism, I rather opened up my mind. The path wasn’t too easy, I would say it still is not. Accepting your shortcomings and working on them. I do get angry and mad at people  I don’t complete my work efficiently, I accept a lot. But I tell you, accepting all these issues had solved half the problems for me.

Things started changing, I could see myself improving. And then when you traverse the emotions and are with oneself, that we have the time to ask- who we are??? What am I doing in this world for chrissake??? And we dive into knowledge. Does helping people makes me feel happy? Why? Maybe because my ego gets satisfied!! My inner self expands!! So wasn’t it for our own sake that we helped someone???

Situation zoom out::
Wasn’t it all the work of a master??? Who actually is a part of me? The knowledge from the scriptures??? The understanding of me to answer both the big and small questions? How can we decline the presence?
The witness of self is the witness of the master. The presence which helped me break away from patterns big and small, aren’t we all stuck in these??

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